BHHS Today

Is the Shamrock Shake a shamrock scam?

Yes, the rumors are true: the legendary Shamrock Shake has returned for the 2018 St. Patrick’s day season. Introduced in 1970, McDonald’s has sold over 60 million of these liquid leprechauns, being one of their menus most memorable items.
The shake is mean, green, and not very lean – a size small holding 460 calories and 13 grams of fat. According to the Delaware News Journal, it would take approximately a 5-mile run or a 90-minute bike ride to burn off the calories from just a small shake.
Even so, after years of hearing about its raging popularity, through seeing memes and other silly videos revolving around the drink, I decided to give it a go and try it. The anticipation that I felt sitting at the drive through window is virtually unmatched by any other experience I have ever had. I handed over my $2.19 and last two brain cells and emerged into this minty out-of-body experience. I held the cool, plastic cup in my hand and I popped my straw right in, for a whole lot of glorious DISAPPOINTMENT.
In its truest form, the Shamrock Shake is a neon nightmare, its flavor too difficult to pinpoint. Each sip is equivalent to downing a shot of cheap toothpaste. Have you ever tried to eat pure toothpaste? It’s hard to swallow and it’s sad because you don’t feel refreshed. You just feel ashamed. The aftertaste reflected the phenomenon of chewing on a Spearmint stick of Five Gum mixed with hints of leprechaun rage. It just was not the end of the rainbow. Instead, it reminded me of cotton candy, but in the most unpleasant form- like after its half eaten and been out in the sun for days. It was so ridiculously sweet, that my eyes began to water. It’s flavor dominates your entire pallet to the point of hilarity. I found myself laughing so hard, all alone in my car as I drank this odd, off-brand-Colgate-type liquid.

Additionally, the texture is unusually and overwhelmingly creamy, but runny at the same time. Drinking it gives you the feeling of fullness – similar to when finishing a bowl of mashed potatoes. I wish that my wallet was as thick as the Shamrock Shake; the Shamrock Shake is so thick, that everyone on the sidewalk stops to stare at its voluptuous artificial cherry topping.

This is no ordinary milkshake, primarily because it is so confusing. There are too many contradicting properties and overall it was not an enjoyable experience. I would it buy again only if I could immediately pour it on the floor with zero repercussions. . Rating it a solid 3/10, I do not recommend McDonald’s sham of a shake to any group nor individual. Just save yourself the trouble, and get yourself a McFlurry.

1 Comment

One Response to “Is the Shamrock Shake a shamrock scam?”

  1. Ava Singer on March 31st, 2018 1:30 pm

    This. Is the best. Thing. I’ve ever. Read.

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